dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
