plz talk dirty to me
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
