I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
