there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
