Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were destined to go to rehab together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
