Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
