I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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