Your tits are I can't wait for
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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