there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Holy sore nipples Batman
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
