After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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