I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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