Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
