just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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