Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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