I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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