Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
