I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
