I need help removing her.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
