im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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