if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
