he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
