I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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