peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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