It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
