So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
