i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
