i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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