Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
she told me i tasted like america
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
