People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize