so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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