Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize