she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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