new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
