So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
