i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
