on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
