alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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