yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
