If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
