I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
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