some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
