just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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