Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I would ride that face into the sunset
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
