u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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