if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
