Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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