I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
