Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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