I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
