Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
