I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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