I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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