her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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