I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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