Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
