I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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