I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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