i just wanna soil my oats bro
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize