I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize
