I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
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