what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
