My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
