Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
