bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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