in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
