this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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