I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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