Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
