On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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