It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im holly from the hills drunk
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
