Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
