3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
So much rum. So many feels.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
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