He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
