When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Randomize
